Posted by finkployd in
Info
Friday, December 7. 2007
there's this newly opened pub (snatch), slash nightclub slash hole in the wall slash joint with a stage serving drinks and bites with a projection screen and music for entertainment, that provides the BEST SERVICE in town tailored to FAT COWs... this is not a cheap jab at overly overweight obese double-seat airline occupiers, but rather a sincere recommendation for anyone who wants to lose weight - GUARANTEED!
you see, snatch has this fantastic policy of always clearing your table BEFORE you actually finish your dinner:
so there i was, enjoying a salmon tartare i had just ordered - it wasn't particularly bad - when a good song came on. i looked at my half empty plate (half full for you optimists out there) and thought to myself, i'll go dance off the first half and come back for the second. so i made my way to the dancefloor, just a few meters from my table, shook my blubber for a couple of minutes, and then returned to my table to find it spick and span - not a salmon bit in sight!
waaaaaaiiiterrrrr i called (or rather gestured).
fink: where's my salmon
waiter 1: it's gone
fink: i know it's gone, but the question is existential in nature, "why did it go?"
waiter 1: because noone was at the table
fink: actually, if i may correct you, this lad over here (points to half buzzed friend on the table) was at the table
waiter 1: well then why didn't he stop us?
fink: cause he's focusing all his energy on staying on his two feet
fink: and then, since when is it the customer's responsibility to keep an eye on the waiter?
waiter 1: well it's gone!
fink: then you need to go and find out what you're going to do about it
exit waiter 1
....
enter waiter 2 (buff waiter)
waiter 2: what's wrong?
fink: my salmon took off
waiter 2: isn't that your problem?
fink: not to the best of my knowledge, after all i wasn't manhandling it or anything
waiter 2: you weren't at your table
fink: someone was at the table
waiter 2: tough luck! what do you want me to do?
fink: i want you to fix it
waiter 2: that wont be happening, it's your problem
fink: you do realize you're losing a customer
waiter 2: leave then
fink: great - now get me your manager
exit waiter 2
...
enter manager (giddy blond who just happens to be a brunette)
manager: what's wrong...
fink: bla bla
manager: so what do you want me to do?
fink thinks for a few seconds... should i ask her to dance naked on my table?
fink comes back to reality.
fink: actually, the only thing i really want is for one of you to admit that you're wrong
tags: snatch, gemmayze, pub, very bad service, awful service, do not go there, beirut, lebanon, lebanese, waiter, manager, fink, finkployd, gemmayzeh, achrafieh
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